“And I could not have known then that if I had been born here, I would have left here, gone someplace south to deal with horses, to get on some open land where you can see tomorrow’s storm brewing over a high desert. I could not have known then that everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change like seasons; they have to or they die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because it’s God’s way. […] Everybody has to change, or they expire. Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons.” – from Across Painted Deserts by Donald Miller
I left California a year ago today and haven’t written much since. My life looks very similar to how it did in California… working a lot, napping on the couch, sleeping next to Clarissa, eating avocados. I have a lot more friends here and immerse myself constantly in social situations and grow tired from it, but know this keeps me healthy. I know a lot has happened, but I feel like the exact same person, constantly wishing I were just a little more important, always wondering how people get to the place where they feel like they’re actually contributing. At the same time, so much has happened that is important, maybe meaning that I should feel different or bigger or like I’ve changed. Weird what we expect from ourselves.
I wish I had lots of deep and important things to say, but really, I’m not in a poetic state lately. I’m just like normal, just floating. I think those big moves and all the constant huge changes just made me realize that no matter how everything changes, I’ll always be this person. And my life will always look sort of similar no matter where I end up. I’m not sure how long Atlanta will be where I stay, but for now, I don’t want to be anywhere else.
There are things that I wish were different. There are things I wish I could change. There are people I wish were here instead of there. But it’s all good. And I am happy. For now, that is enough.
Shoe Bird. 